Most of us believe we are good people, moral people. We also believe cheating on a partner is wrong.
So, how do cheaters reconcile this with their behavior?
They do this by justifying and deceiving themselves into thinking that their behavior is absolutely right even when he/she is fully aware that it is wrong.
One of the more common justifications, and one of the cruelest, is blaming the one who’s been cheated on. Cheating is NEVER the victim’s fault. It is just a way for a cheater to self-justify and feel better about what he/she’s done.
So, from the Cheating Wife Survival Guide, here are three ways a cheater comes to self-justification:
1.The way you have treated me lately is the reason I began cheating on you.
Translation: We have been fighting lately and instead of talking to you about it, I took the easy way out and fooled around on you. Now I feel really guilty and can’t stand it so I am taking the easy way out again and blaming you.
2. I did it because I thought you were cheating on me.
Translation: I saw a phone number on your cell phone that I did not recognize, so I started to assume things. Instead of asking you about it, my jealousy and frustration got the best of me. I jumped to a conclusion and slept with someone to hurt you, before you hurt me.
3. You don’t love me like you used to.
Translation: I don’t love you like I used to. We have been so busy with our lives that we have neglected nurturing our marriage. Instead of working on things, I sought out comfort from someone else instead.
. . .
All three excuses are simply that–excuses. A person cannot control the actions of someone else, and there is never an excuse good enough to justify cheating on the one you love. After all, what pain could be worse than knowing that the person you love, was in bed with someone else?
Marriage is a sacrament. There is a promise, a covenant, a bond.
In a sacramental marriage, God’s love becomes present to the spouses in their total union and also flows through them to their family and community. By their permanent, faithful and exclusive giving to each other, symbolized in sexual intercourse, the couple reveals something of God’s unconditional love. —http://www.foryourmarriage.org/marriage-as-sacrament/ An initiative of the National Council of Catholic Bishops.
As it is with every decision we make, there is a choice. And the responsibility for making the choice lies only with the decider. Once the wrong decision is made, the next time becomes easier and the erroneous self-justification even stronger.
The first question in a deliberation about cheating should be: Will I be okay with the awful hurt my unfaithfulness will cause my spouse and children? Because the repercussion to both is great, and often lifelong.