When you’ve lived a lot of life, you tend to see patterns in generations that follow yours. And of course, if you’re like me, you can’t keep from relaying it.
A danger for young girls today is the same danger their mothers and grandmothers once faced: an attraction to ‘bad boys.’ How that fascination comes to sit in a young mind, I honestly don’t know, but long ago, I remember feeling it myself.
You know a particular boy is bad, that he’s made terrible choices, yet you’re drawn to him. Worse, you think you can change him.
He may tell you he really wants to change, yet he never takes the first step. And then, he talks about the freedom to do whatever he wants, as if that sort of freedom is always good. He tries to make you see that you should want it, too. Sot of an Adam-Eve reversal.
But be aware. That kind of freedom is far from good. It’s in disguise. It isn’t really freedom. It’s just another case of addiction to drugs, sex, or cheating, just plain laziness, or maybe even fear of the world itself. In any case, stay away. Bad boys hold nothing but grief for you.
This doesn’t mean that they won’t eventually change–without you, by the way. Many honorable men, even many saints, were first horrible sinners. But often bad boys stay that way.
A young teenage girl who thinks she can change a bad boy and shape him into a prince is living a fairytale. And she may live it for a year or two until she matures enough to understand that the boy she needs, the prince for her, won’t be a bad boy at all.
There are times when I put things off–actually many times when I put things off–things I know I should do. But I talk my self out of doing it for some reason or another. One of the biggest things I put off is cleaning out drawers and closets. If I can squeeze one more item into a drawer, I see it as still ‘workable.’ Sometimes, I do that with my life, too.
But is ‘workable’ what I want? When is it time to turn ‘workable’ into ‘working like a charm?’ And who can do this, except me? And when is the time to do it, except now?
Behold, now is a very acceptable time; behold, now is the day of salvation. 2 Cor 6:2b
Maybe you’ve put things off, too. And maybe those things have to do with your relationship with God.
Most of us want a loving relationship with God, yet we put a lot of “stuff” ahead of our personal attempt to have one.
But we can change that.
We can clean out the closets and drawers of our lives. Get rid of all that makes them ‘unworkable’ by tossing out our old and over-used excuses for keeping what is not genuinely beneficial to us. Even then, we may not have a perfect house (or self) but we will have a house that is ready.
When do we do this?
Well, since tomorrow is always ‘iffy’ for each one of us, Today must be the acceptable time.
What is temptation? The common definition is the desire to perform an action that one may enjoy immediately or in the short term but will probably later regret for various reasons: legal, social, psychological (including feeling guilt), health-related, economic, etc.
In the context of religion, temptation is the inclination to sin. We are all uniquely tempted depending on our personalities, genes, upbringing, environment.
Temptation also describes the coaxing or inducing by a person, other than ourselves, into committing an act that we know is not good for us– the real danger is that this person makes it appear ‘good.’ Smart huh? After all, we wouldn’t choose it if we didn’t think it was good. But of course, this is how we’re misguided.
The best way to avoid temptation is to accept that we will be tempted. Then we have to know weaknesses and honestly admit them. Next, we put on the brakes whenever we’re in a situation that might cause us to fall into the wrong things—— or better yet we really, really try NOT to be in such a situation. If that means excusing ourselves from an event, or an enticing entanglement, then we must DO it.
Remember that what looks good to us after we’ve already made dubious decisions, or when we’re under some influence and not our true selves, may be exactly the wrong thing under normal circumstance.
Temptation is controllable, if we’re honest with ourselves about our weaknesses, and then courageous enough to stay away from people, places, and situations that are sure to take advantage of our flaws.
We enter data into our computers, cell phones, and iPads by means of a keyboard with a universal set of letters and numbers. We can be certain that if we tap an ABC, we get an ABC. This is the reality of a keyboard.
If we enter wrong letters of figures, wrong letters or figures come out.
GIGO (garbage in, garbage out) is a concept common to computer science and mathematics: the quality of output is determined by the quality of the input.
What about the input and output of our lives?
Thinking of life as a keyboard. Again, we cannot tap the letters ABC and expect to get DEF. We cannot put into our mind ideas that we know are wrong, and expect the output of our actions to be good.
What we put into life is what we get out of it. This is also reality.
The best input for each life is a genuine, loving concern for others, as well as for ourselves. This has always been the case for humanity. It’s why the world has progressed.
Today, we live in a selfish society that asks first: What about ME?
So in our own lives, if we only input What about ME? then what do you think our output will be?
Our childhood home is the place where our conscience was formed. A place where we felt safe and secure.
And why did we feel safe? Hopefully, because we trusted those who lived there.
We trusted them not only to provide for us, but to give us right answers, and to guide us by good example.
Most of us are fortunate that our parents did these things. But unfortunately, not all parents keep their children safe, or give them right answers, or guide by good example.
At one time or another, for one reason or another, all of us leave home. For a job, marriage, or some other venture that we think will bring us happiness.
But if our home was a good one, it’s a place we like to return to. We don’t even have to be there, we hold it in memory. It’s always in our heart.
What if our life away from home is not as we’d envisioned it?
Away from home, we may have made mistakes, wrapped ourselves in erroneous motives, or addictions, or meanness, or jealousy, or revenge, and on and on. At first, we may feel that we can’t come home, even that we wouldn’t be wanted there. Or maybe we like our new lifestyle better.
So we stay away.
Do we continue on the long road home, making more and more mistakes along the way?
Or do we clean ourselves up, and prepare to return?
There is one home each of us will return to, whether we want to or not. Our eternal home. And we do not chose when that return will take place. Shouldn’t we be preparing for that?
Day by day, even minute by minute, each of us are called to make decisions and to act on them. Some are trivial—-what will we eat for supper? What will the children wear to church, or a party?
But the decision to return God’s love affects our whole lifetime. It determines what kind of life we’ll have and even how it will end. How do we make that single decision to reach back? With one word: Yes.
The woman who made the greatest, single decision of all time is The Blessed Mother. Her decision was made with that one word: Yes. And then, throughout her life, she carried out one significant action: She let God lead her. She surrendered to His will.
Mary, the mother of Jesus, surrendered. If she hadn’t, there would be no Jesus Christ. If she hadn’t, there would be no Christianity. If she hadn’t, we’d never have heard the words, “eternal life.” In fact, we would have no idea how to attain it.Mary allowed God to use her; and certainly, she could have said no. She had free will just like the rest of us. Almighty God would never have forced her to bear His son.
For a moment, put yourself in her position. When Mary was asked to be that vessel by a messenger from God, what would she have thought–“Am I going crazy? Do I really see an angel? Am I dreaming?”
She was engaged to be married. How would Joseph react if she turned up pregnant? He had the right to have her stoned. But there was something in her, a grace given by God that allowed her to trust that the angel was His messenger. She didn’t ask for proof that she would become the mother of the Redeemer. Her only question was, “How?” Because she believed in God, and most importantly, she believed that He loved her, and she allowed Him to do so.
But how do we allow God to love us?
Well, Mary knew how. She made the decision to surrender her life to Him.
Surrender is the opening move for each one of us, but for most of us, it’s hard. No matter what our personality is, we each have an instilled desire to control our own life. Why is that? Why do we feel we have to be in complete charge of every aspect of our lives? Why are we so afraid to give up control and surrender ourselves and our problems totally to the will of God?
It may be that we don’t believe, as Mary did, that He loves us—-really and personally loves each one of us. And if we don’t first believe that He’s madly in love with us, then there’s no way we’ll surrender or trust Him.Stop a minute and think about it. The person I trust most in the world is the person who loves me, who wants only the best for me, and would lay down his life for me if he had to.
If I believe that Almighty God loves me—-and he does–then why shouldn’t I trust Him enough to surrender my fears and worries, all my heart breaks, my illnesses, my lack of self confidence–in fact, everything that bothers or upsets me?
When we give up control of our life in favor of God’s plan–done His way, not ours–then we enter onto the road called: Trust. And what does Trust in God prove? It proves His faithfulness. I can certainly say that I’ve seen His faithfulness in my own life. And if you look upon your circumstances, whatever they are, with spiritual eyes, I’m sure you can see it, too.Mary saw it and it caused her to make a decision. It caused her to say: “I am the handmaid of the Lord. Let it be done to me according to thy will.”
Mary Surrendered.
Let’s take a few minutes to think about making that decision to surrender to God’s will. Are we able to let go and trust Our Lord and Savior?
There are times when we feel small. We think everyone, except us, seems to have things they’re really good at. We think we may be lacking in the talent department, or that we don’t have enough inner drive, or that our job skills are less than another’s. Maybe we even pray that God will give us those things.
And maybe we get a little miffed at Him, too, because he hasn’t. We may even say, ” Then what am I supposed to be doing here?”
Well, shouldn’t we remember it’s possible that only one small act of our sincere concern for a loved one or neighbor can be BIG. In fact, it can actually change their world. And it can change ours, too, when we reach outside of ourselves.
When we reach out to help in some way we become an image of God for others. We allow others to see Christ in us. We are, after all, His hands and feet on Earth.
So what are we supposed to do here? Here’s what Jesus told Peter:
When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter. “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?””
He said to him, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”
Jesus said to him, “Feed my lambs.”
He then said to him a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?”
Peter said to him, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”
Jesus said to him, “Tend my sheep.”
Then Jesus said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?”
Peter was distressed that he had said to him a third time, “Do you love me?” and said to Jesus, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.”
Jesus replied, “Feed my sheep..”
Asking God to answer our prayers is good, and we should do that. But also, let’s remember that here on Earth we can be the instrument of answering someone else’s prayers as well.
I think it’s that he welcomes sinners. In other words, He forgives.
Isn’t that wonderful? No matter how we fail, we can always be welcomed back by God.
When it comes to welcoming others back into our hearts, how do we compare to our wonderfully welcoming God?
Do we hold grudges? Do we plan for the downfall of someone who’s hurt us? Or do we open our arms to them despite what they’ve done to us.
If we hold a grudge against someone, the door to God will be closed. It will be absolutely closed, with no way to him. Only if we forgive others will we be forgiven. I am sure that many prayers are not heard because the person praying has a grudge against someone, even if he is not aware of it. Jesus says more than once that before we pray we must forgive. If we want Jesus, we must have a forgiving heart.
– J. Heinrich Arnold
It all comes down to this question: Can we forgive others as Jesus did on the Cross? Are we able to accept that we are sinners, too?
Welcoming back into our world those who have hurt us, is a Christian requirement. And God is waiting for us to do it.
In my house, there are things I won’t let go of–no matter that they’re old, no matter that they often clutter my cabinets and tables and wouldn’t be called wonderful interior decoration. From the old 19th century portrait of my Grandmother as a little girl, to the Love Seats my parents bought for their first home, to the old rosary that hung over the bed of my husband’s grandparents, and many, many more beloved and old “treasures.”
These are things I have to keep–and keep them within my view.
Memory comes from such as those. The idea that a small part of important people in my life are remembered in those things is comforting.
In my life today, there are also people and things I won’t let go of. No matter that they sometimes disappoint–as I sometimes disappoint them.
This is a disposable society. Something gets worn or doesn’t work, we tend to throw it out rather than fix it. And often, we do that with people–acting as if people are things.
Not everyone can be ‘fixed’ by us. But we can stand by them in their trials. We can keep them in our view, and help, or console, them when we can.
Shouldn’t we be the kind of people who realize that true happiness is not found in riches or well-being, in human fame or power, or in any human achievement – however beneficial it may be – such as science, technology, and art–or in any person, unless we see God’s image in them?
Growing up, when I wanted something I wasn’t sure I would receive, I was frequently given the advice, “Wait and see.”
Of course, that requires patience. The timing of something we desire doesn’t always come quickly. And waiting is difficult.
Some things we wait for are out of our control; they depend on others.
But there are other things that we make the decision to wait for. We want it—-maybe very badly– but for one reason or another, we wait for it. This is self-control.
Our society today doesn’t speak much about patient self-control. It speaks about immediate self-fulfillment, quick self-gratification. We want what we want when we want it. But making conscious choices that allow us to live in agreement with our deepest values often requires the ability to delay gratification.
Years ago, a researcher came up with an idea to show the value of the ability to delay gratification. His study subjects were a group of four-year-old children.
He offered each participant a large, puffy marshmallow but told them all that if they would wait 15 to 20 minutes while he ran an errand, they could have not one, but two marshmallows.
Some of the four-year-olds were able to control their impulse to eat their marshmallows right away. Others could not.
Many years later, the researcher followed up with his subjects and found that the ability to control impulses and delay gratification was associated with success in many different areas of their lives as adults.
For example, those who delayed gratification were more self-motivated and more persistent in the face of obstacles in their lives. On average, they scored 210 points higher on SAT tests. Those who had quickly consumed the first marshmallow offered them, continued to have impulse-control problems in adulthood. The researcher characterized them as more troubled, stubborn, indecisive, mistrustful, and less self-confident.
All those years of giving up candy for Lent and waiting for the chocolate bunny in my Easter Basket, must have helped. When I look back at past events in my life, I can see that quite a few of those things I waited for turned out well. I’ll bet you can, too.
Translating a World on the Edge 