Translating a World on the Edge

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy,
it does not boast, it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others,
it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight
in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts,
always hopes,
always perseveres.

Love perseveres.

Because most of the time loving is difficult.

It may require a patient waiting.

How many times have you set out chairs for your wants and patiently waited for them to be filled?

If you’re like me–not many times, not patiently anyway.

Today’s world is one of instant gratification. We are like toddlers. We don’t want to wait. We want it and we want it NOW.

Sometimes we even become impatient with God when He doesn’t seem to ‘get it,’ and answer our prayers as we’d like Him to. There are some who get tired of waiting, and give up on God altogether–never mind that He might have an even better plan than our own.

But how long has God waited for us–to really grow up, to learn what’s truly important? How long has He waited for us to change our wayward lives?

Am I in a hurry to do that?

Not really. Yet God perseveres. He remains, always there for me, and for you, as if each of us is His favorite child, as if no one matters more to Him. God waits for us with infinite patience. He expects the same from us in our relationships with family and friends.

My five children know that each of them is my favorite. I think they know I’ll always be there for each of them. I hope my grandchildren know it, too.

Since she was an infant, I’ve been helping to raise one of my granddaughters.  To say that it requires perseverance and patient love is an understatement.  From infancy,  through toddler-hood, through three year old tyrant, she and I have been through some times! She is now five, and I haven’t always been as patient as I could have. However, I try to persevere.

I wouldn’t take anything for my experience thus far—not anything for my  sixth ( close-up) opportunity to watch a child develop and grow.

Oh yes,  sometimes it’s crazy. Sometimes it’s loud, Sometimes there are tears–on both sides. That’s just the way it is with children.

But then comes the warmth of arms, the kisses, the smiles, and most rewarding- –the irreplaceable words: “I love you, Grandmommy.”

…….followed immediately by: “Will you paint my fingernails again?”

“Again?”

Again. What a word!

Again? Yes again. And again. As long as it takes, for as long as I’m here. I will try to be patient and to persevere. I will be there to do what I need to do.

And God will be there, too, waiting for me to do it.

Forgiveness is a spiritual work of mercy, but some people won’t do it. You can apologize to them for a wrong you may have done, you can bake them a cake, take them a meal, pay their bills, or keep their children. Oh yes, they’ll let you do all that. But they won’t forgive you. They don’t seem able to let go of the past.

Why?

Why is the past– especially one that’s not so rosy– important to them? What attracts them to the role of forever playing a victim? Like the elephant who never forgot an injury, they are tied to past grievances.

A man I once knew had come through many problems in his life. Finally, he had the opportunity to move forward. He didn’t though. Needless to say, he was very hard to be around. In fact, being around him was like walking on egg shells, I had to be very cautious of every word I spoke for fear he might take it in the wrong way. He was a ‘hard case,’ but occasionally, don’t we all resort to this kind of mind control over someone who’s hurt us?

I believe some people see their victimization as a way to manipulate others. They play the “poor me” role. They portray themselves as targets of someone else’s behavior in order to gain pity or sympathy. In this way, they get something they want from another. And since, most human beings are caring and conscientious, they don’t like to see anyone suffering. A manipulator plays on this. He plays the victim by finding something in his past to hold over another’s head. And he finds it rewarding because in this way he gets cooperation.

Children are great manipulators. As mothers, we see some of it in their whining. “Johnny needs to go to time out. He took my toy and he won’t give it back!” Fortunately, most children grow out of this behavior. But some don’t. All their lives, they carry a vendetta.

A man and his wife are sitting at the breakfast table. He’s reading the paper and paying no attention to her. Suddenly, she lifts her glass of orange juice and throws its content across the table.
“What was that for,” her surprised husband asks.
“What do you mean, what was that for! Have you already forgotten what you did to me twenty years ago?

There’s humor in that story, but great sadness, too. So much of life is lost by holding onto the past!

morguefile photo

I have two close friends with whom I meet regularly for lunch. One is a fellow Catholic, and not a native Southerner. I’ll call her Beth. The other is a Protestant I’ve known most of my life. I’ll call her Bonnie. I love and trust them both. We have a lot in common; a love of books and art, children and grandchildren. We talk about all these, but sometimes our conversations center around a subject that so-called experts caution not to talk about in order to avoid disagreement: religion.

In this, we are open with each other. We dialogue, as they say. Beth, with her academic mind very apparent, and Bonnie, her blue eyes flashing all the wonderful traditions of the South. I think of myself as somewhat of a mediator in our conversations, a balance. (more…)