As Mothers, we dream of the best for our children. We don’t want them to settle for less.
Aim for the stars! We tell them. You can do it!
But what if they can’t do it–at least, not now, at this particular time in their lives. Not all children mature or develop at the same pace. What do you think about putting pressure on a child to do something anyway— such as ride a bike, learn to swim, or knock a home run— when we’re not certain he has that capability yet?
Don’t we have to be sure that the expectations we have for our children are what they want, and can do, not what we want? I don’t mean we shouldn’t present opportunities for them to try. We want to make sure they try, and try hard. But we, and they, must realize that not every one, at every time, will take home a trophy or a medal. Sometimes, our child will lose.
How do we show our child how to lose, or overcome disappointment, without harming the confidence in himself, or herself?
I don’t know if the answer is “one size fits all.” Every child is different. So maybe we just present opportunities and see what they do with them?
One answer would be to instill in our children a real amazement and respect for the awesome world around them. Ask them what about this world most attracts them, and then encourage that particular thing. Very important is to let them know that there are more good people in that world than not-so-good people. And most important, to let each child know that we will love them whether they win or lose.
What do you think?
Translating a World on the Edge 
I think that we should let kids gravitate towards what they’re interested in, then back off, just leave them to it. My 17-year-old son started swinging a golf club right after he learned to walk, now he’s winning tournaments, has a plus-handicap, and wants to pursue a career in golf. My husband and I have taken him to the driving range, tournaments and golf courses, and we ponied up the cash when necessary, all because golf is what he’s wanted to do. We congratulate him when he does well and encourage him to handle losses maturely. That’s about all. We treat our next five kids in a similar manner, no matter what their individual interests (knitting, writing, archery, soccer, Legos).
What has helped most of all, for each of them, and for us as parents, is undoubtedly homeschooling. We don’t pressure them; other kids, other teachers don’t pressure them; they’re not forced to waste their time doing things an administrator or school board has deemed important. Humans are born with a natural love of learning and an abundance of creativity, but nothing kills either like telling them what they value is less important than __________________ ; or that they’re not doing __________ like they’re supposed to be doing it. I’ve had kids who have complained about learning to read or doing math, but when they figure out they need those in order to do the things they want to do, they work awfully hard at becoming proficient in reading and math.
Education is not a race. Learning is not a now-or-never proposition. When we respect our kids, instead of trying to control them, most of it just falls into place.
LikeLike
Wise words, Cheryl!
LikeLike
Cheryl, so true. Education is not a race. Learning should be a joy. Always a joy.
Kaye, as always, you’re on target.
LikeLike
I am learning this over and over. My son is not s blank slate for me to mold. After reading this I’ve decided to not make him run a 5k.
LikeLike