I admit that I am a People Pleaser. And I am happy being so. But today, People Pleasers get a bad rap, and a lot of negative comments. We are said to be:
Afraid of being rejected or abandoned
Preoccupied about what others think and feel
Fearful of saying no, setting limits, or seeming “mean”
Hungry for the approval of others
Stuck in relationships where we give more than we get
Overworked because of an overdeveloped sense of personal responsibility
Neglectful of our own needs
Exhausted, overbooked, and burned out trying to take care of others
BUT WAIT…What is wrong with any of those so-called negative attributes?
JUST LOOK at the opposite of any one of the above:
Not loving oneself enough to care about rejection or abandonment
Not caring what others think or feel
Saying no to another’s request, no personal self-limits, meanness
Not being appreciative and thankful for other’s opinions that may help us grow
Not giving one’s all in a relationship
Having no personal responsibility, and instead blaming others
Thinking only of one’s self
Not willing to go through any struggle to care for others
In other words: It’s all about ME. Not about YOU.
Anita E. Kelley, Ph.D Professor of Psychology at the University of Notre Dame, has this to say about children who grow up to be People Pleasers. “Who wouldn’t encourage their kids to be people pleasers? And who wouldn’t want to be around such persons? After all, people pleasers pay their fair share of expenses, do their fair share of work, and have in general a high regard for other people. Yet far from being weak, they are the very ones who will stick up for you when you really need it.”
If we can’t please people, we can’t please God who lives in each one of us. If we do not remain loyal to the goodness in others, we will not remain loyal to God.
The free will we have been given allows us to make our own decisions during our personal life journey. To please… or not to please. And pleasing is often a struggle. We do not want to be someone’s doormat, but we want to help. If asked, we want help another steer the vessel of himself toward goodness–just as we expect another to assist us in that way. Because we are all God’s vessels, brothers and sisters in the same human race.
Here’s a powerful prayer for the ability and insight into pleasing our Lord and our fellow man.
Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.—Psalm 19:14
The following video is not by members of my immediate family, but nevertheless by members of our human family. And it is a wonderful example of young girls attempting to please, to lighten the burden of someone they love.
Translating a World on the Edge 